Dinner at Ocelot's
by Some1Else
Summary: Our friends Snake, Meryl, Roy, and Otacon go over to Ocelot's house for dinner and the opportunity to purchase illegal information. Add in a dead duck and you're eating dinner at Ocelot's. Yum.


**Story #2 : Dinner at Ocelot's.**

**By Some1Else.**

Snake, Meryl, Roy, and Otacon stepped out of Otacon's van, which was parked right in front of Ocelot's large home. They all had received invitations earlier in the week to join Ocelot for a special banquet which was to be followed by him auctioning off data containing information on how to make a brand new Metal Gear mech along with other assorted top secret documents. If it had just been the dinner, none of them would have come. Revolver was a creepy guy and he smelled funny to boot. But since Ocelot was going to flaunt some cool illegal documents around, they were swooned and decided to come over and have themselves a look-see, just out of morbid curiosity. With all these factors working together, they figured it was going to be a fun filled evening. If everything else failed, it would simply degenerate into another movie night. Little did they know that they were so far from the truth that it was cruel.

When Snake had received the invitation, he figured it sounded kind of dangerous. First of all, there was the invitation itself. At first glance, it looked like any other cordial invite would. The envelope was pink and his code name was written in fancy lettering across the front. It lacked a return address, which was somewhat mysterious. Anyone could have sent it to him. A small blank card was inside the envelope. When Snake opened the card, it popped loudly. The prank gave him a good jump and he immediately didn't have any trouble figuring out who had shoved this in his mailbox. Ocelot. On the left inside flap of the card was a tiny firecracker rigged to do what it had just done. Ocelot had a terribly annoying habit of hiding bombs in just about everything he touched. It was sort of his trademark. This was obviously no exception. Snake was quite irritated, but he read the message inside of the card anyway.

_To my good dear comrades. I love you. I mean that in the best possible way. Please come over to my place next Saturday at seven in the evening for a very special dinner. Following the dinner will be a small private auction. Items include: Illegal stuff. You know the drill. Finally, there's a bit of a flu going around so if you catch it, refer to the back of this card._

Beneath the message was a chibi of Ocelot wearing a chef's outfit. It was drawn quite well. On the back of the card was a red circle beneath a note that advised the reader to press the button repeatedly to regain any strength they lost from the flu. Ocelot wasn't very good at telling jokes. At least that's what Snake thought. In any case, there wasn't a person alive who wouldn't be weary if given the opportunity to enter Ocelot's home. Snake never had and never would trust Ocelot, especially after he borrowed Snake's blender and somehow managed to lose it two weeks ago. Putting tiny bombs in his invitations didn't earn him any points with Snake either. As a precaution, Snake decided to bring his M-9 with him along with an optional silencer, which was already attached to the gun. The gun was inside the warm coat he was wearing to fight off the bitterly cold weather Alaska had been giving out lately. Snake couldn't put it in the pocket of his khaki's because it bulged, which made it noticeable. The coat, however, masked the gun effectively.

If things got bad, he could easily retrieve the weapon. Ocelot had shown up in Alaska out of nowhere followed by the people Snake could have sworn he had killed and those he knew he had watched die. The only explanation seemed to be that it was just one of those things. No matter how hard Snake tried, he never could get a straight answer out of them. It was as if they had magically forgotten. Ocelot had earned Campbell's trust first and gradually began to infect everyone Roy knew. He wasn't much help when it came to finding the Patriots, which seemed impossible at this point.

And now Snake was attending his dinner party. He had overdressed for the occasion on accident with an outfit he had purchased at the Shopety-Shop-Shop Mall through Craig's Rag Bag. It had been ridiculously expensive and there were plenty of annoying teenagers using their parents credit card to wade through, but Snake found himself mysteriously attracted to this particular brand of clothing. The name invigorated him. _Razor : For the man with the plan._

_They're damn right I have a plan! _Snake had thought to himself.

He was dressed to kill even withouthaving to put a sneaking suit on. That made him positively giddy. Every time he looked in the mirror he felt like punching something out of excitement. It was certainly better than something from _Old Navel, _which wasn't expensive but somehow managed to look expensive. Their slogan couldn't even afford to rhyme. _Look fly on a budget. _Snake had no budget, but apparently his friends did because they were all sporting _Old Navel._

Snake could sense that his friends were surprised that he was among them. They had a right to be. He had only hung out with Roy and Otacon a couple of times prior to this evening and hadn't even visited Meryl yet. This would be the first time he'd been around her in a while. Nobody asked Snake why he had suddenly decided to get out more. If they did, he would lie. Otacon was the only one who knew the real reason behind it and his lips were sealed. It all had to do with a special incident that scared some sense into him. Normally Snake sat around the house all day making conversation with his dogs until they abruptly decided to start talking back. That was about a month ago and they hadn't said anything since. Snake could still see some sort of intelligent interest in their eyes. It was almost as if they were watching him and making sure everything was alright. They spent most of their time in the shed nowadays. Snake made sure of that.

He was enjoying his new life. Just last week he had allowed himself to visit Psycho Mantis. They got together and headed for the bars and hoped to have a great evening. In less than ten minutes they had consumed enough alcohol to fuel a Volkswagen Beetle on their breath alone. All they managed to get out of it was a light buzz so they continued drinking after taking a short break to play pool. Once Mantis was fairly plastered he decided to start fiddling around with his psychic abilities, which amused Snake to no end.

He made beer squirt out of the noses of random victims whenever they took a drink, pulled chairs away from people as they were about to sit down, made the moose head on the wall move and change its expression, and had the bar tender give them free drinks by manipulating his mind. They were having a good time until Mantis decided to crank the action up a notch by reading people's minds and discovering their deepest secrets. He then revealed them to anyone who would listen. When Mantis blurted out that the leader of some motorcycle gang was impotent, they got into trouble.

Snake jumped out of a nearby window and left Mantis to fend for himself. Since he was drunk beyond common thought he was in no condition to fight. A drunken master could have handled himself perfectly in Snake's condition, but Snake was obviously not one of those people. He quickly lost his way and accidentally stumbled into a unique club that had a wacky anime theme to it. Women were dressed up as girls from various shows and few of them had the body to do so except for a neat little Japanese chick posing as Major Kusanagi. Normally Snake wasn't one for cosplay, but someone was paying the Major a lot of money to look the way she did and do what she was doing. It didn't take long for a bouncer to approach him and request to see his ID. The guard was dressed as Jet Black. Snake was so amused at the accuracy of his costume that he gave the man ten dollars and collapsed into a vacant booth.

Upon observing the club further Snake saw that the cosplaying was not limited to the staff itself. Plenty of Inuyasha's and Link's littered the establishment. Snake sighed, wishing that the patrons had been more original in their costume choice. There were quite a few Haruhi's, too. Snake found it uninspiring. The woman posing as the Major was the only person who deserved an award. Snake knew his opinion was under the influence of alcohol so he kept his head level. There was no telling what was beneath the make-up and purple wig. While watching the people around her he noticed one particularly unattractive individual gazing up at her with what appeared to be only three dollars wadded up in his mouth. He was standing as close as he could to the Major, hoping to get a little action that didn't come.

She didn't need to take it from him anyway. Most of the men and some of the ladies were already throwing their wallets at her. Snake passed out. About twenty minutes later he was awakened by a bouncer that resembled Kou Leafou. He was given a large glass of water. The bouncer asked him if he was okay and for some reason that reminded him of what had happened earlier. Psycho Mantis might still be in trouble at the other bar. Snake quickly downed the large glass of water with such ferocity that the bouncer had to take a step back in fear. Much to the surprise of everyone present, he then hopped up on the stage and grabbed the Major around her waist while she was busy. Snake gave her an overly dramatic smooch on the cheek and all the money that was left in his wallet, which was about thirty five dollars and sixty two cents. The girl thanked him for his donation and signaled for security to leave him alone. Snake got off of her and ran back to the bar he had been at earlier, feeling slightly stupid.

The alleys were bleak that night with little or no light illuminating them. Trash was everywhere and puddles of icy cold water were scattered about. After turning a particularly alarming corner, Snake checked his surroundings and was quite startled to see that the alley he was in resembled the one found in Silent Hill right before Harry discovers the demon midgets at the beginning of the game. Without even pausing to think about it he took a different route, ignoring the guttural scream which followed that terrified him so much he'd never remember it again. He found Mantis soon after that, face down in a gutter. Snake woke him up and found that he was not too terribly hurt despite his fragile frame. He couldn't remember what had happened, which wasn't good. They retraced their steps back to Snake's vehicle and Snake gave Mantis a ride home before going back to his own house where he collapsed inches from his bed face first into the carpet. He was asleep in seconds.

Snake was hoping that the dinner party wouldn't go quite as bad as the bout with Mantis had. Everyone present seemed to have their own unique reasons for coming that evening and none of them had anything to do with sampling Ocelot's cooking. That went without saying. Meryl was here due to her sense of duty. She also found it odd that everyone had moved to Alaska and she was being a bit more proactive about finding out why. It was originally her idea to move out here once she had learned that Snake had returned and it didn't look like it was going to become one of her better one's. In doing so she had hoped to get closer to Snake, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

They never did wind up together after Shadow Moses, which wasn't such a bad thing at first until she realized just how much she wanted to cook him food. When she felt like it. For a while her hopes were ruined by Snake's unexpected relapse into hermit mode, but it looked like the situation was improving. He still hadn't called her. Snake didn't even have her number. Perhaps she needed to be a little more direct around him. It was all so emotional. If this poisonous love interest and the parody of common sense that had become her life continued for another three months, it was back to the military for her. There was no point in wasting her time or her life on something she just couldn't have.

Meryl went back to pondering about her friends, which had become a term she used loosely. There were a few misfits missing from the bottom shelf. Nobody knew where Gray Fox or Solidus were, but everyone else was somewhere within the city Snake lived outside of. Big Boss was still dead. Allegedly. She knew Ocelot was responsible for this and so did everyone else. He just wasn't saying anything about it. The whole thing had probably been arranged by the Patriots. Meryl was unwilling to let that slide. The enigmatic organization had been fairly docile lately. They were leaving everyone alone.

She sighed. Perhaps she was simply thinking too much about all of this. Everyone told her to let it go, but she couldn't. She was unable to accept their temporary break from the battlefield and her feminine intuitions would not allow for a highly absurd situation like this to continue without a good explanation. As if that weren't enough, she had the hots for an older man. She was becoming her mother. Thus, Meryl was in conflict with herself. Again. Meryl grabbed her hair and groaned to herself when nobody was looking in a glorious display of her insurmountable angst.

Otacon was attending Ocelot's party this evening for a very different reason that was possibly more practical. About a month ago he figured out how to break into the huge camera satellites that orbited the Earth and took pictures of whatever the government desired. Basic use was limited to a regular lens that worked a lot like any free satellite program he could download from the Internet. Additional passwords were required to ascend a level in functionality. The first thing he pointed his new toy at was Mei Ling's house. That's where the problems began. He couldn't figure out how to go farther than the view from the street. The lens he wanted could create a three dimensional view of what was going on inside through technology that was at best elementary to him.

He had many fantasies that involved him spying on Mei Ling while she was taking a shower, but those would never come to pass because he couldn't figure out how to break the encryption on the stupid overblown piece of junk. The password for the extra lens was another problem as it continued to elude him and there were only so many guesses he was allowed to make before the system booted him out and tagged his location. The best he could do at this point was zoom in on certain bath houses in Japan and watch people enter and exit. Accomplishing his goal had become a personal challenge that he himself could not overcome. He wondered if Ocelot would be able to help him out.

Roy's agenda wasn't as complex. He just wanted to be around his single friends since married people were boring and have a chance to hit on younger women at the same time. His wife didn't approve of it, but Roy figured that if he was chained to the house he could still bark at the cars that passed by. And bark he did. Unfortunately the guys hadn't invited any tail other than Meryl and it'd be gross for him to try out his archaic lady skills on her. Roy realized everyone thought of him as a pervert and knew that he did a few things in private that would get him into deep trouble if his wife ever found out about them. He was so bad at hiding what he did during his personal time that Meryl even knew about it. That picture he kept in his wallet was definitely not his wife.

Needless to say, Roy had come for some smut. If Ocelot didn't have any, he'd just borrow a computer for a little while and use his jump drive and since eight gigabytes definitely wasn't enough to restore his former collection he'd have to play favorites. Roy's wife had put a filter on their PC at home and had deleted all of Campbell's friends, so now he needed to use someone's computer to get them back. As Snake and his buddies strode up the walk that led to Ocelot's door, Meryl noticed something odd beside Ocelot's house. Four large green box thingies were lined up against the side of the house, and they all were rumbling. They didn't look new, either.

"Check it out. Generators." Meryl said, pointing to them.

"You're right. And there are four of them. Why would Ocelot need so many?" Roy asked anyone who'd answer.

Snake stopped in his tracks and a look of surprise spread across his face. Everyone looked back at him, puzzled.

"They're for his torture rack!" Snake exclaimed.

"Oh, geez. . .you're right, Snake." Otacon sighed. "I think we should just walk away right now while we're safe."

"Hey, I haven't eaten anything all day and I'm not in the mood for Chinese." Roy said. "I'm famished. Let's give Ocelot a chance."

"Save it, colonel. We all know you're here for illegal anime smut. Why do you waste your time with that junk?" Snake asked.

"Do you still look at that crap?" Meryl demanded, to which Campbell nodded sheepishly. "They're going to throw your ass in prison, Campbell!"

"I can't help it!"

"What kind of smut is it? Futa? Shota? Loli? Furries? Furry loli's?"

"It's the kind of smut that's on a need to know basis."

"What about your wife?" Otacon asked. "She aged gracefully, didn't she?"

"She had to have. She's Taiwanese." Snake remarked. "The last time I saw her she was pretty damn hot."

"What's wrong?" Otacon asked.

"She doesn't shave anymore!" Campbell declared in horror. "This isn't Europe! I need her to have those culturally dictated hairless armpits and smooth legs. She says it takes too much time and whenever I offer to shave her myself, she just laughs and throws a chess piece at me. It's very distressing."

Meryl discretely rubbed her legs together and didn't feel any bristles. A woman who did not shave was very scary indeed.

"So that's your excuse for being such an old lecher?" Meryl asked.

"Yes." Campbell said in shame. "I mean, that only exacerbated the problem."

"Maybe the issue is rooted deeper in your relationship with your wife. What have you done lately to upset her?" Meryl asked.

Campbell blinked a few times as if he'd just been hit by a wet fish.

"I hadn't thought about it from that angle." Campbell admitted.

"Well?" Meryl demanded with an edge to her voice.

"All I said was I hope Snickers would commit suicide."

"Who?" Otacon asked.

"Their cat." Snake replied.

"I hate that damn cat. I thought I was free from those things after the last one died. Now she went and bought this one. You can't just go around replacing life like that, but I'm getting off topic."

"Is that all?" Meryl asked. "Wishing death on her favorite animal doesn't sound like something that would put her over the edge."

"I put a fish toy in an electrical outlet and hoped for the best, but I said I was sorry. That's no reason for her to stop shaving."

"Roy, if you promise not to get illegal smut tonight, I'll help you out with your wife." Snake offered.

"How?" Roy asked. "What could you possibly do? She's just not some base that you can infiltrate."

"I know that. Look, I'll lend you my M-9 so you can knock out your wife and shave her yourself."

"Your M-9?" Meryl said. "Snake, I don't think a gun is going to solve this problem. In fact, I'm beyond certain it won't."

"It's worth a shot." Campbell stated with a bright smile that showed he still had hope for the future. "If it works, then I won't have to look at smut anymore."

"Colonel, you're a lousy liar." Snake replied.

"Fine, don't listen to the woman. Heaven forbid she be capable of insight!" Meryl exclaimed.

"I heard you. I just like Snake's idea better." Campbell said. "Don't worry, I'll talk to her and see if I can patch things up. After I've knocked her out and shaved her, that is."

Meryl's expression in reaction to Campbell's sheer audacity could not even be properly captured in an incredibly expensive camera, let alone mere words written inside of a journal or on some bathroom stall.

"Couldn't that put some spark back into the marriage?" Snake asked, remembering how he had met his wife.

"That is a good point." Campbell replied with a nod.

"Guys, it's freezing out here. What's the call?" Otacon asked everyone, bringing them back to the subject at hand.

Roy was going to follow Snake around until he got what he had been promised, so he decided to go with Snake's decision. Otacon personally wanted to leave after seeing the generators, but felt he should stay with his friends should they decide to go in Ocelot's house. Hopefully they would. Ocelot wasn't the type of person Otacon would visit by himself and he really needed those passwords for the satellite camera badly. Meryl knew that this night was heading nowhere fast, but she didn't have anything better to do at home except for maybe playing Bubble Bobble or some other puzzle game. Mindless entertainment beat being around Ocelot even if Snake was around. There was a chance that this would not be their only stop for the evening and Meryl clung to that to keep herself from leaving.

Snake usually tried not to care about other people's emotions, but Ocelot was taking a lot of risk in doing what he was doing. He decided not to blow off Ocelot's invite since that would be incredibly rude. If the party sucked, they could always go over to Otacon's house and hack into something or play Mahjong while drinking hard liquor. For now, the right thing to do was humor Ocelot since getting on his bad side could have disastrous consequences.

"Let's visit with Ocelot. He invited us over here for a reason. Who else is he going to hang out with? He hates everyone else." Snake said. "I actually brought my M-9 with me just in case he tries something funny. If this is some sort of trap we should be safe."

"Are you serious? I didn't think you'd go that far." Otacon said.

"It makes you feel a bit safer, doesn't it?" Roy said.

Snake sighed and got the group back into action by walking up to Ocelot's front door. He took one last look at the rumbling generators before ringing the door bell.

"Come in!" Ocelot shouted as loud as he could from somewhere inside of the house.

When they stepped inside, they saw the lights blinking on and off everywhere. The odd fizzing noise lights produced just as they were about to burn out filled their ears. It was similar to being caught in the midst of a bunch of angry bees. The living room they walked into had an impressive collection of western decorations. Everything was arranged rather neatly. Just like Otacon and Snake, Ocelot owned a large television with an impressive entertainment center. A huge bookcase was nearby that had hundreds of DVD videos arranged alphabetically by title. Upon further inspection, they discovered that nearly every single one was a spaghetti western. Most of them were the discs found in bargain bins where the price was usually five dollars for ten videos. It was a somewhat alarming display.

There was a bunch of old fabric couches that gave the place a used feeling. A rocking chair was in the corner, and by the look of it they knew it had to be Ocelot's personal seat. Bull horns were stuck on both ends of the back rest. A nice painting of an old western ghost town hung in the center of the back wall behind the furniture. It was autographed. A wooden coffee table was placed in the center of the room in such a way that anyone visiting could put down their drinks and still be able to grab them easily. On the end of the table was a bull skull. Several discs and a laptop were currently resting alongside the skull. Without needing to guess they knew this was where the auction would take place. Finally, they discovered a grandfather clock tucked away in the left corner of the room, covered in shadows.

"Amazing." Otacon whispered in shock. "You wouldn't know him just by looking at this room!"

Everyone nodded solemnly in agreement. The dining room was directly across from the living room. A set of double doors in the living room opened up to reveal a hallway. They saw a staircase leading upstairs at the end of the hall, but didn't bother exploring any further. They walked into the dining room, which had a nice circular table with comfy looking chairs arranged all the way around it. Plates and silverware covered the circumference. It appeared as though Ocelot had been ready for this evening beforehand and that earned him a few points. He hadn't thrown this together at the last minute. Decorating the dining room were a couple of display cabinets full of miniature antiques. There was also a mini-bar and a jukebox, which Roy and Snake eagerly investigated.

A lot of western style music was stored inside the device. There were a couple of New Age CD's in it as well just to balance everything out, but they really didn't fit in alongside the other titles in his personal library. The jukebox looked as if it had been moved often, almost as if Ocelot couldn't decide where to put it. Across from the dining room entrance was an opening that led into the kitchen. No expense had been spared here. Ocelot either liked buying nice things or was very serious when it came to preparing and storing food. A recipe book was on a large square counter in the middle of the room. At that point the group broke off as everyone explored Ocelot's house on their own, ogling at how homely the atmosphere of this sadists abode was. Snake stayed in the kitchen and had his eyes fixed on a door that led down into the basement. When he opened the wooden door, the sound of a duck shrieking in sheer pain greeted him. A nasty electrical roar also became quite audible. Snake noticed that the door was very thick and muffled a lot of the noise that could drift up from downstairs. All he'd seen so far led him to believe that Ocelot was using his rack. That clearly explained the blinking lights and rumbling generators.

Otacon and Roy came back into the room, alarmed by the noise. Meryl quickly caught up, bumping into Roy's back and then falling down on her rear. Otacon helped her back up. Snake motioned for everyone to stay put, using his hands to suggest that he was going to check it out. Alone. As Snake descended the stairs, the ducks painful cries engulfed him, making him feel ill. When Snake reached the basement's living room the first thing he noticed was Ocelot, who was standing at the back of the room. He was wearing mittens and an apron. It looked positively ridiculous. Ocelot didn't notice Snake and continued pouring seasoning on a tasty looking duck roast. Almost immediately to his right was the infamous torture rack. It was the exact same one Snake had once bunked on. When he saw what was on it, Snake blinked and rubbed his eyes. The animal was still there. Ocelot had restrained a duck on his rack and seemed to be cooking it that way. It made perfect sense, but Snake still couldn't believe it. Cooking an animal alive was barbaric. The unfortunate duck was staring ahead in horror and still trying to escape.

"It's no use!" Ocelot said to the duck. "Your body is strapped down tight!"

Directly beneath the animal was a pile of organic material Snake preferred not to acknowledge. A tongue was also on the floor. The duck had somehow bitten off its own tongue. Ocelot's torture rack was hooked into a large control panel that regulated the device. It had a couple of wires running into the floor, a few more going into and out of the rack, and one brightly colored red wire hooked into a huge power socket. The red cord ended in a three hole prong that was unusually large. Snake walked to the panel and examined it. The panel had a large computerized display screen that was touched based. Next to the screen were a few buttons and a throttle. By reading the information provided via the screen, Snake could see that the device was in danger of shorting out. A warning message noting this was flashing rapidly at the bottom of the screen. Ocelot turned around and finally noticed Snake. A smile crossed his face as he waved happily at his friend.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes!" Ocelot shouted.

Ocelot walked away from the roasted duck, which appeared to have electricity shooting out of it. He knelt down in front of the tongue and put it in a sandwich bag that also contained a cooked heart.

"Do you like tongues?" Ocelot asked Snake, shouting over the roar of his machine.

Snake shook his head. He never could eat anything beyond the meat of an animal without throwing up unless he was absolutely starving. Just thinking about it brought back some unpleasant memories of survival training. Suddenly the lights of the basement dimmed to the point where they were out for a brief second and Ocelot looked up at them with a stupefied expression. He quickly made his way to the control panel, reading the output levels and various messages on the screen. While Ocelot examined his toy, Snake began thinking if he should help the duck or not. It was starring directly at him with a pleading expression on its face. Snake's gut turned ice cold and gained about five pounds.

Before Snake could make up his mind, the duck abruptly exploded outward in seven different directions. It happened so fast that Snake was almost unable to react. Guts and other assorted entrails flew everywhere like shrapnel. Ocelot got hit directly in the face by the ducks brains and staggered back in shock. Snake dove to the floor, put his hands over his head, and successfully managed to avoid being hit by any projectiles. Ocelot started swearing in Russian and ran over to the panel, decreasing as many levels as he could while whipping the gunk off of his face. Snake almost vomited when he saw parts of the brain still stuck in Ocelot's curly mustache.

The torture rack refused to shut off. The noise coming from it began building in intensity. Ocelot screamed at the top of his lungs as he grabbed the huge industrial cord and ripped it out of the overly large power socket. A deep whirring hum sounded as a result of this act of desperation. It was so loud it nearly shattered Snake's eardrums. Every light in Ocelot's house went out at once. Upstairs, everyone started screaming. The entire house was plunged into a deep, creepy darkness. The smell of burning feathers and seared meat hung heavy in the air while Snake stood still, expecting Ocelot to rectify the situation.

"Damn it!" Ocelot shouted. "I did it again!"

"Did what again?" Snake asked.

A flashlight was suddenly turned on that cut through the darkness. Ocelot held it beneath his chin pointing up so that his face was clearly illuminated.

"That's the second duck and third fuse I've blown today!"

"Today?" Snake felt a knot in his throat and he cleared it out by gulping.

"I've been cooking since noon." Ocelot said, nodding.

"Were you using the torture rack?"

"Do you see anything else in here that could get the job done quicker?"

"How come you didn't cook them in an oven instead?"

_You sure do ask a lot of questions. _Reece's voice echoed faintly in Snake's mind.

_Stupid damn dog. _Snake thought bitterly.

"An oven?" Ocelot asked, shocked. "Snake, duck's taste much better off the rack! Every sadistic interrogator knows that one!"

"Sure they do. Ocelot, did you clean the duck that didn't explode before you put it on the rack?" he asked, pointing at the attractive meal on the platter.

"Yes, but only because it was a particularly ugly ducking and somehow I felt sorry for it. I figured it had suffered enough."

"That's quite uncharacteristic of you." Snake pointed out.

"I suppose you could look at it that way, but I prefer to think of it as an example of the power a man has over an animal he's about to kill. I could have gouged its eyes out and tore off its legs if I wanted to, but I didn't. When you have someone or something's life in your hands, their say in the matter has nothing to do with anything."

Snake rolled his eyes.

"Did you clean the other ducks?"

"No."

"That's why they exploded. Ocelot, you have to clean an animal before you cook it. If you don't, you'll make a mess. Besides, it's basic sanitation."

"Well, that's no fun!" Ocelot said, stomping his foot on the ground in protest.

"What do you mean?" Snake asked, taken aback by Ocelot's sick perversion.

"I like it when they squeal, you see. That's what makes my cooking fun!" he looked up at the lights and sighed. "Guess I need five generators instead of four."

"Do you ever have chicken?" Snake asked, rolling his eyes. Ocelot grinned but Snake held up one hand, stopping him from explaining the process. "Forget I asked."

Ocelot shrugged indifferently. He walked over to the light switch and tried it. There was no power, just as he expected. Fixing the electricity would take some time.

"Are you guys okay?" Roy shouted from upstairs.

"Yeah, we're fine." Snake answered.

"What are you guys doing down there?" Meryl asked.

"We're getting the food ready, Meryl." Snake said.

That was putting it far too lightly. Despite how it had been prepared, it still looked delicious. Ocelot didn't appear to be showing any signs of remorse. When Snake thought about it further, Ocelot seemed to be handling the situation as though it had happened before and quite often at that. He took off his cooking apparel and placed it on a coffee table. Ocelot grabbed a toolbox and an extra flashlight from a nearby shelf. He turned on the spare flashlight and tossed it over to Snake, who caught it effortlessly.

"I'm going to go fix that fuse." Ocelot said. "I don't want to keep my guests waiting, so please set up the dinner for me. Be very careful with it. I think it's still electrical."

Ocelot jogged his way up the steps and out of the house, leaving Snake to make the necessary preparations. Snake approached the table that the cooked duck was laid out on. Electricity was still shooting out of its body. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed the platter it rested on was plastic instead of metal. Snake carefully grabbed the handles and walked toward the stairs carrying the meal with him. On his way up he realized that the terrible event he had just witnessed would probably be stuck in his memory for the rest of his life. He also figured that seeing a duck from this point forth might trigger a flashback. Snake could do without that. He already had plenty of other memories that could trigger his PTSD.

He passed the light to Otacon once he reached the top of the stairs and followed Hal into the dining room. Snake placed the platter on the table and took a seat. Everyone followed his example. The duck looked like it would be able to provide only one serving per person. If Ocelot had chosen to cook them differently, there would have been more to eat. He probably had some spare snacks on hand just in case anyone was still hungry after the meal. After a few minutes of sitting in the dark, the lights came back on. Otacon switched the flashlight off. A huge bolt of electricity suddenly shot out of the duck's body, making an audible popping noise. Roy gasped, Meryl fell out of her seat in surprise, and Otacon shot out of his chair and took it back with him as if he planned to defend himself with it if he needed to.

"What the hell was that?" Roy asked. "Did you people just see that?"

"Great." Snake sighed and decided to tell them what had happened. "Ocelot cooked it on his rack. He said they taste better that way."

"I wonder if that makes it more nutritious." Roy said.

"The duck wasn't dead, was it?" Otacon asked, not expecting a positive answer.

"One of them was. That's the one we can actually eat. The rest of them were alive and didn't quite cook right." Snake responded flatly.

"What a sick bastard." Roy said, shaking his head.

"I'm no longer hungry." Meryl said as she pushed herself away from the table.

"Yes, you are." Snake said.

Her stomach growled in confirmation of Snake's suspicion. Meryl sighed and pulled herself back in.

"You're right." Meryl said. "Did anyone actually eat anything before this?"

Everyone shook their heads. Noting that the excitement was over, Otacon took his seat back at the table. The meat shook on the platter a second time as electricity surged within it, but nobody jumped since it wasn't so surprising the second time around. They heard the front door open and close. Ocelot walked into the dining room. He looked exhausted and appeared to have been zapped a couple of times while he was busy restoring the power.

"I told myself while I was going out that I'd have a witty comeback when I came back in, but fixing a generator is just one of those things that saps the humor right out of you so instead you'll just have to settle with this very bad pun." Ocelot said, pausing. "Owning a generator is downright electrifying."

Everyone groaned and Ocelot raised his hands, claiming no responsibility. It seemed as though he'd gotten a taste of his own medicine. Then again, it wasn't really that much of a payback from karma. For that Ocelot would have to be taking a bath and suddenly have a toaster join him. The group held a small conversation while Ocelot went into the kitchen to retrieve a few bowls from the fridge. He sat them down on the counter and rejoined the group inside the dining room and sat in his seat.

"In case you find yourself hungry after the meal, which is something I can't blame you for, try some of the other stuff I've set out." Ocelot announced.

Meryl figured this was an indication to begin eating, so she grabbed the provided metal fork and knife, ready to carve herself a portion of the duck and dig in. Ocelot's eyes grew wide with terror as he saw what Meryl was about to do.

"No, don't!" Ocelot tried to warn, but he was to late.

When the metal fork touched the meat, a wicked bolt of electricity that was still trapped inside of it made contact with the utensil, causing Meryl to get zapped and thrown clear across the room with her chair in tow. Her journey ended when she slammed into the jukebox. It turned on and began playing Pocket People by Rymdlego, a particularly rousing tune from Ocelot's limited chill out selection that was completely out of place in the current situation. Smoke rose out from the meat and Meryl's hair stood on end while the fork in her hand shot out a few sparks. Her knee was jerking up and down and the left side of her face curled up into a smile while the right still retained a shocked expression. Her right eye was also twitching violently. Snake went over to her and checked to see if she had been injured. Roy turned off the music and stood next to Snake, ready to fetch anything if they needed to get medical.

Snake concluded that Meryl hadn't been hurt too badly, but she'd have a very ugly bruise on her back for a while. She blushed as he examined her. At least that meant she was responding. Exactly how was her business, not his.

"Is she in shock?" Roy asked.

"Heh!" Ocelot laughed. "In shock! Good one, Campbell!"

Meryl stared ahead blankly. Snake snapped his fingers in front of her eyes a couple of times until she finally blinked. Meryl coughed and slid forward weakly. Snake grabbed her shoulders so she wouldn't slump to the ground. She felt her hair and could tell without looking how out of place it was. With a heavy sigh, she sat back in her chair and patted Snake's hand so he would know she was fine.

"What a jolt." Meryl commented.

"Would you like another go?" Ocelot asked sarcastically, sliding a knife toward her end of the table.

Her mouth opened slightly as it tried to form a sharp retort she had in mind, but Meryl didn't think it'd be worth it.

"Where's your bathroom?" she asked instead.

"There." Ocelot said, putting all of his directions into his forefinger. "You'll find plenty of combs and even some hair gel to restore that fiery maim to its lustrous quality."

"What kind of hair gel?"

"Does that really matter?"

"Yes, it does. I use Cement Gravity. What do you have?"

"I'm not a woman. I don't need to read the names of the soap and shampoo I use." Ocelot said. "If it smells nice, I buy it."

"I'll just keep it down, then." Meryl said to herself in regards to her hair.

"You might want to let go of that fork." Snake said.

Meryl placed the utensil on the table and then looked at her palm. A permanent indention had been made. She sighed and decided it would at least make for an interesting story. Meryl got up and found the bathroom. A medicine kit was next to the sink that she used to place some salve on her burning wound. She wrapped it in a bandage and located a comb which she drenched in rubbing alcohol just in case Ocelot had some weird scalp disease. A quick wash, careful comb, and a brief round with a hair dryer ensured her sexiness was operating at eighty percent efficiency, which was enough for this situation. Meryl finished keeping up her appearance in record time. Usually it took about an hour to get her hair absolutely perfect. She spent more time on it than any other part of her body.

They were all waiting for her when she returned. This was the first time any of them would see her with a different hairstyle. Otacon tried his best not to stare. Meryl sensed his approval was bordering on lust. Ocelot's grin was in no way charismatic. Snake did a double take before returning his gaze to the duck. Not wanting to call too much attention to herself, she sat back at the table. All of the dining utensils were still metal. Meryl blinked. Ocelot should have replaced them by now in light of what happened, but he was too busy playing with his curly mustache to care.

"Are you waiting for someone else to shock themselves?" Meryl asked.

"Yes." Ocelot replied.

He then burst out in a healthy round of heavy laughter as he disappeared into the kitchen. Ocelot walked back into the dining room carrying a bunch of plastic forks and knives that he gave to everyone in exchange for the metal counterparts. After tossing them on the kitchen counter, he re-entered the dining room and cut the duck into servings. Once everyone had been served, Ocelot tossed the bag full of cooked entrails on the table. Roy tried reaching for it to take out the liver, but Snake stabbed his hand with a spork. He looked at Snake in confusion, noting the deadly glare. It went without saying that the entrails were off limits. Nobody was going to eat that stuff in front of Snake. After making his point he almost started to eat but quickly realized his fork had touched Campbell's hand. Snake asked for and was given a new fork as there was no telling where Campbell's hand had been that evening. Ocelot covered the used fork in saran wrap and tossed it in his trash compactor. He switched it on just to cover all his bases even though the fork was the only piece of garbage in the bin.

Eventually a festive conversation was brought up by Ocelot. Within a matter of moments, everyone was talking about something. They gossiped about Mantis and made fun of Raven, spoke of what was in theaters, and told some funny stories concerning personal experiences all the while laughing uneasily at the fact that they used to be enemies. Snake remained silent for the most part. He was already having a hard time _not _thinking about how that duck had died. He felt the experience was traumatic enough to make him become a vegetarian. Eventually everyone had finished their serving, but that didn't stop the conversation. The results of the meal seemed positive, but Meryl was still hungry and her face showed it. Nobody could blame her, though. Not everyone could get full off of such a small meal.

"As I mentioned, there is additional food available in the kitchen. Raid the fridge if you must, but stay away from my ice cream sandwiches and cinnamon rolls." Ocelot said.

Everyone got up and walked briskly into the kitchen. It was all mostly finger foods. One bowl contained something that looked vaguely like gizzards, only they were round and slightly larger. Meryl took a piece of the odd food and smelled it. The mysterious bit of meat didn't seem repulsive to any of her senses. Deciding from experience that smell alone was enough to warrant taste, she ate one and discovered they were acceptable. Snake observed her reaction and then tried one himself. It was fairly tasty, so he began to eat out of the bowl more rapidly. Meryl followed his lead while Roy and Otacon shared a bag of sunflower seeds.

"Hey, these are good! Ocelot, what is this stuff?" Snake asked.

"Mountain oysters." Ocelot announced.

"What are they?" Meryl asked.

"I believe they are the testicles of a bull." Ocelot said as if it were normal.

Snake eyes almost shot out of his skull. He burped loudly, but it had nothing to do with being full. Sickness rose up within him and he immediately ran over to the sink and stuck his head in it. His body then began to rid itself of the contents inside his stomach through his mouth. In short, he threw up so hard his shoelaces came loose. Meryl didn't take the realization quite as bad and continued eating.

"Tastes salty." Meryl said.

"You should see them when they're not fried." Roy said.

"Colonel!" Snake rasped. "You knew what those were and you let me eat them anyway?"

"I thought you knew what they were!"

Ocelot laughed sadistically at the expense of another person's pain again.

"So you like the taste of balls, Meryl?" Ocelot mused.

Meryl could clearly see where Ocelot was going with this.

"Sure, why not?" she responded flatly.

"Really?" Ocelot continued.

"It's better than my uncle's rootworm beetle dip. There's nothing like a cricket leg stuck in your molar so well that flossing only pushes it in deeper."

"Shut up!" Snake said in the middle of a dry heave.

Ocelot decided to discontinue the conversation as it wasn't going in the direction he intended. Meanwhile, Snake had finally gone limp over the sink. He sunk down to the cabinets below and sat with his back up against them while holding his stomach with one hand.

"There goes supper, dinner, breakfast, and my midnight snack." Snake said.

Meryl shook her head at this discouraging sight. Snake had really overreacted. Mountain oysters were just balls. Porn stars had to deal with the same thing on a daily basis. If they were lucky. She grabbed a cup from one of Ocelot's cupboards and filled it full of water and handed it to Snake. He drank it quickly to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Well, then. . ." Ocelot began. "Now for why we're all here, yes? The reason most of you accepted my invitation was so that you could gather certain information you can't easily come by. I think everyone will be able to find something they appreciate in the various items I have to offer."

For the misery Snake was enduring, whatever Ocelot was going to present him with had better be damn good. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. Snake probably wasn't going to be eating anything else for the rest of the night. A thought suddenly occurred to him. Shouldn't he be trying to stop Ocelot from selling the data he intended to part with? Maybe. It would depend on the information in question. Snake was certain that all Otacon wanted was the satellite codes he couldn't get himself. He'd been bitching about it for quite some time and went on and on about how he'd love for someone to do it for him since this particular area of hacking was slow-roasting his balls over a grease fire. That's pretty much how Hal had described it, too. His ultimate goal was to see Mei Ling naked, which was a worthy cause.

Roy would probably only go for porn. Maybe Ocelot intended to pass him a pirated DVD for half the price and quality of a regular disc. Duping the colonel into making a purchase like that would be easy. He wasn't exactly DVD literate or DVD player literate, for that matter. He still couldn't program the clock for it. Meryl probably was thinking along the same lines as he was. By the way she looked at Ocelot, Snake knew she didn't trust him and didn't intend to release her personal grudge against him. So far everything was under an acceptable limit. This wasn't to different from college students sharing music with each other. Maybe Ocelot just wanted company. Or maybe this was another one of those bad habits of his. Snake concluded that he'd say something if Ocelot crossed a line.

Everyone went into the living room. Roy sat with Meryl on one of the couches while Snake and Otacon shared another. Together. As best buds. Ocelot sat down in the rocking chair and began accessing information on his laptop. He pulled some reading glasses out of his pants pocket. Snake bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood to prevent himself from laughing. Roy and Otacon pretended to yawn. This was the first time they'd ever seen Revolver wear specs and he looked positively stupid with them on. Ocelot noticed he had put his glasses on without realizing it so he turned on the TV and DVD player to distract everyone while he took them off. A slide show of random photos began playing. His guests breathed a sigh of relief. They half-expected to be treated to a three hour western.

"Okay, here we go." Ocelot announced as he put his glasses away.

Snake flinched in anticipation of the massive shock that was about to rocket through his body. It didn't happen. He silently cursed himself. Sometimes a bad memory could be brought back simply by saying the right words. In this case, Ocelot had repeated the phrase he used every time he got his torture rack charged up during Shadow Moses.

"Are you still selling those walking death tanks to whoever has the money?" Meryl suddenly interjected.

"Are you intent on ruining the mood of my party?" Ocelot countered.

"What if I am?"

"Meryl, can you really take anything I tell you at face value?" Ocelot asked. "And you don't call a Metal Gear a walking tank. You call it a Metal Gear. That shortens things up and everyone has a better idea of what you're talking about. If it's any consolation, I'm careful with who I sell weapons to. Why? Because if I chose to sell something that threatened the safety of the world, I'd like there to be a world still around whenever my client got the anger out of their system."

"So you're still selling them?"

"Sure, why not? There. What are you going to do about it?"

She gritted her teeth together.

"I'm going to fume furiously."

"Such is the plight of a redhead. Speaking of weapons, if you're interested in home defense I could sell you an M249 SAW if you'd like."

Meryl seethed. In order to get the whole truth out of Ocelot, she'd have to interrogate him. Until then he'd just shoot her concerns down with witty sarcastic banter and keep pretending to be friendly with everyone. The break from the normality that had become the battlefield they tussled in was intoxicating. Meryl couldn't blame anyone for letting this charade continue if that was what it truly was. Then again, Ocelot was a neat guy. He was a real asshole, but he could almost be considered an essential guest at any party.

"How about you sell me some codes?" Otacon said, putting the topic back on track.

"Oh, that's right." Ocelot said. "You want to see Mei Ling naked, don't you? Before I give those codes to you, I have to ask you a question. How much of your pride did you have to swallow to be able to ask someone else for help with hacking?"

"Why don't you try using that program yourself? All it highlights is schools and the streets in town that rich people live on. Besides, everything looks the same from ten thousand feet." Otacon said.

"He's right, you know. It's kind of like looking into a big box of chocolates." Roy said.

"Interesting analogy." Snake commented.

"Furthermore, I didn't want to try my luck when it came to figuring out the password for the extra lens. I have better things to possibly get myself thrown in jail for."

"Whatever." Ocelot said, ending the conversation.

Ocelot ejected a disk out of the CD drive and handed it over to Otacon, whose hands were shaking furiously. A twitching grin was on his face. He began to sweat so much that the gel he kept in his hair started to fail. Roy, who had been enjoying the various wallpapers on Ocelot's television, had to do a double-take when he looked over at Otacon. Snake half-way expected Hal to explode the instant he received the disk. At the last moment, Ocelot jerked it away. Otacon lunged forward, crying in despair. He landed on the table hard but failed to break it.

"Like I'm just going to hand it over to you for free." Ocelot mocked. "You geeky pervert. I'm not a charity. Break out your check book and whittle me five hundred dollars. For that money I shall give you this disc. All you have to do is pop it into your computer with that particular program running and everything should be okay. You know what I'm talking about."

Otacon whined in dismay.

"Five hundred dollars? I only spend that much money in one place at one time on anime!"

"Now look here! First off, anime sucks and you shouldn't be watching it. You're not a kid or a stupid girl."

He didn't get a chance to finish his argument. Ocelot's right hand was suddenly on the table, jerking violently as blood shot out of it. The fingers contorted and twitched, apparently just as surprised as Ocelot was to suddenly find itself separated from his body. It was odd to look at because the hand appeared to be a separate thing with a mind of its own at the moment due to how much life was left in it. Ocelot gaped at the sight of his severed limb. He looked at everyone present to see if he could pin the blame on one of them. Snake raised his hands as if to say he had nothing to do with it while Roy and Otacon looked to be on the verge of screaming. Meryl was over by the grandfather clock talking to herself quietly. Blood began to spurt from Ocelot's stump and that's when the pain finally set in.

"What?" Ocelot screamed, somewhat delayed. "My hand!"

Ocelot grabbed what remained of his wrist and doubled over in agony, screaming freely. Everyone stood up and fumbled about like idiots, especially Roy who ran off looking for some towels to help soak up the blood. Otacon grabbed the disc while Ocelot was distracted. A sharp clicking noise caught Snake's attention and he turned to see Gray Fox standing near Ocelot's doorway. He had on a trench coat, a bowler hat, a ridiculous pair of gloves, and set of road boots. Underneath it all he still wore his exoskeleton. He was holding a fearsome looking katana, which was now covered in blood. Ocelot stood up on his knees, finally spotting his unwelcome visitor.

"It's you." Ocelot spat. "What the hell was that for?"

"Gray Fox!" Snake shouted.

"He's still alive?" Campbell asked.

Meryl pinched the bridge of her nose in aggravation and disbelief. She had a lot to say about this development, but she chose to remain quiet so as not to complicate the situation any further.

"Don't act like you didn't deserve it, Ocelot." Gray Fox said malevolently. "My only regret is that the ducks weren't here to see this."

Revolver blinked. Gray Fox nodded.

"There have been reports of you being cruel to the animals around this neighborhood. I was sent in to investigate those claims. What I've seen hasn't surprised me."

"The neighbors found out?" Ocelot asked in disbelief.

"What did you tell them you were doing?" Snake asked.

"I said it was caused by some really freaky sex with a Taiwanese broad."

"Animal noises, Ocelot." Otacon said.

"Obviously someone in here has never had sex." Ocelot retorted. "And what the hell is with your tacky outfit?"

Gray Fox patted his uniform with his free hand.

"I have to look fresh on the job or nobody will take me seriously."

"You just haven't figured out how to get out of that suit yet, have you?" Meryl asked.

He lowered his head slightly.

"No, I have not. Believe me, I've tried. If only Clark were still alive. He. . .I mean she could get me out of this. Unfortunately I can't find any of her memoirs. Everything about me was destroyed in a fire! Now look at me. I'm reduced to wearing fashionable clothing and assuring people that I wear this helmet in case of an earthquake. Only then do they accept me as remotely normal."

"Is that _Razor_ you're wearing?" Snake asked, surprised.

"Why, yes it is. It's from their formal collection, minus the boots. I see you buy their stuff as well." Gray Fox said in amazement. "Impressive! Only a fool trusts his life to pricey brand names!"

"Focus!" Otacon yelled.

Roy came back from wherever he had run off to carrying a large cooler he'd found in Ocelot's garage. It was stuffed with ice. He placed the severed limb inside the ice chest, noting that its nerve impulses had finally run out. Roy then attempted to bandage Ocelot with a medical kit he had also picked up, but was pushed away forcefully.

"Why the hell did you cut off my hand again?" Ocelot demanded.

"And why are you spying on Ocelot? Are you some kind of bounty hunter now?" Snake asked.

"I am whatever the situation requires these days, so to speak. In other words. As to say. Maybe. Probably. Snap."

"You're one of those idiots who thinks that they're a real life super-hero." Ocelot figured out quickly.

"Say what you want about me and how I choose to spend my free time these days! In the end, only the truth matters. Fighting is the only thing I'm good at. It always has been. It always will be. And besides, I'm a ninja. This type of work is in my blood."

"Bullshit! You're not even Japanese! You've gotta be Japanese in order to be a ninja!" Ocelot contended, so infuriated he was turning red.

Gray Fox titled his head. Ocelot smiled weakly, happy that he'd planted a seed of doubt.

"He's kind of right. I mean, I wouldn't call a karate instructor _sensei _unless he was Japanese. Some aspects of Japan lose their flavors when they come to America." Otacon said. "Not that you're a bad ninja. . ."

"Are you taking his side?" Ocelot asked dangerously.

Revolver doubled forward, nearly passing out. The pain and the fact that he was losing a lot of blood gave him a bad jolt in addition to pissing him off further.

"All of you get out of my house." Ocelot demanded. "I can't even have a dinner party without the past catching up to me. And watch this!"

Ocelot performed his hand gesture, which had lost _a lot _of its original grandeur. Seeing as how none of them had ever viewed it before, nobody recognized what he was getting at. Still, it was the first thing he realized he'd have trouble doing for a while. Most people would have tried to figure out how they'd ever be able to play video games again or present themselves to a woman, but not Ocelot. The hand gesture was sacred.

"We're supposed to leave? How do you plan on taking care of that injury all by yourself?" Roy asked, baffled.

"I'll just have to drive to the hospital before I bleed to death." Ocelot responded. "After that I'll have them reattach my severed limb."

"Speaking about that beautiful severed limb, I'm actually going to need that hand as proof that I completed my mission." Gray Fox said. "But no hard feelings, okay? I'll call you sometime."

Gray Fox turned his cloaking device back on and became invisible. Obviously. He jumped forward and did a spin just to be flashy even though nobody could see it. This proved to be a mistake since he missed his mark and landed on his back right on Ocelot's table, breaking it in half immediately. The cooler containing the severed limb fell off and broke open, launching Ocelot's dead hand straight into the TV. It was highly noticeable when Fox picked up the container, shoved as much ice back in it as he could, and threw the hand inside before he ran out the front door, cursing ravenously.

Snake turned to look at Ocelot, who was slowly turning white and sweating heavily. Revolver glared at everyone in the room, irritated that they had not followed his request to leave.

"What the hell are you idiots still standing around for?" Ocelot asked. "I told you that the parties over and I need to get to a hospital."

"You might want to let one of us take you." Snake said.

"Hell no!" Ocelot roared. "It would ruin my image. Besides, I've had much worse."

"Well. . ." Snake said, not caring. "If that's how you feel about it. . ."

Snake reached for his gun. Ocelot saw him do so and instinctively grabbed for his own. Unfortunately, he used the wrong hand for the right job. His stump hit his pocket, making his pants all bloody and shooting a new wave of hurt through him. If this were a quick draw duel under normal circumstances, Snake would have definitely lost. However, he knew Ocelot would have been careless enough to try his luck with the hand he was use to even though it was currently missing, therefore giving Snake the advantage. Snake already had his gun pointed at Ocelot when Revolver finally pulled out his Colt correctly, which he accidentally dropped. He didn't give Ocelot the chance to retrieve his gun. A barely audible thrift cut through the cold air as a tiny dart shot out of the gun and straight into Revolver's shoulder. He exhaled sharply and collapsed on the carpet in a crumbled heap.

Everyone waited patiently for him to pass out. Ocelot fought against the fatigue but knew he would lose, so he chose to lash out at them one last time before he fell asleep.

"Stupid bastard of a false ninja. . ." Ocelot slurred. "He'll pay for this. And Snake, strawberry orange blanket toast."

Ocelot blinked in confusion. The drug must have been messing up his ability to speak. He fell over on his side, feeling terribly tired. All the colors in the room began to fade into an inky blackness that he unconsciously welcomed.

"I like to watch the tuning kite do its bastardized version of the flying receptor in the highly prolific bowels of Zanzibar with the help of those eight small asterisk symbols. I need scissors! Sixty-two!" Ocelot declared quite unexpectedly.

Snake ejected the clip in his gun, popping a dart out of the magazine and examining it closely. That bit of randomness from Ocelot was a bit alarming. The tranquilizers Snake had at home came in varying strengths. The one he _figured _he'd taken with him tonight was suppose to be an industry standard but since they all looked the same and Snake hadn't bothered organizing them it was anyone's guess. Hopefully nothing bad would come out of it. Ocelot probably wasn't used to taking drugs, or so it seemed. As it appeared. Maybe. Hopefully. Sixty-two! Snake put the round back into the clip and slammed the magazine home, briefly enjoying the noise it made. He tucked the gun back inside his coat.

"Alright." Snake said. "We'd better call 911. If we take him ourselves, there's a chance he might die since we don't have any equipment with us ready to deal with how much blood he's lost. Let's use Ocelot's phone so they don't ask too many questions."

Snake rummaged through Ocelot's clothes and pulled out a cell phone. He dialed the emergency number and waited for the operator to answer. When she did, Snake tossed the phone on the ground and hoped that would give them enough incentive to send an ambulance over to investigate. If he had told them what had really happened, they would definitely think he was pranking them. Snake motioned for everyone to follow him as he exited the house and they fell in behind him. Once outside they piled into Otacon's van and took off.

"Hey, guys." Meryl said, getting their attention. "We should probably make sure the ambulance actually comes for him."

"Good idea." Snake agreed.

After driving a couple of blocks, Hal pulled into the driveway of some rich dude who didn't appear to be home at the moment. A pair of lawn gnomes sculpted out of diamonds stood arrogantly on the front lawn. Snake ran out and tipped them both over. They waited in silence for five minutes until Hal turned the vehicle around and drove back to Ocelot's house. Just as everyone expected, there was an ambulance parked in the driveway. A couple of police cars were along the curb. They arrived just in time to see the paramedics haul off Ocelot in a stretcher. Otacon drove by slowly, noting the name of the hospital who owned the particular ambulance. _Boo-Boo Fixie. _For some reason Otacon felt shivers go down his spine when he read that name. After visually confirming that everything was in order they left the neighborhood. Otacon plugged in his iPod and began playing Starry Sky by Capsule at a low volume, which made everyone groan in disgust.

Otacon checked the time on his stereo display and then put his focus back on the road.

"What's it going to be then, eh?" Otacon asked.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Snake complained. "How long have you been waiting to pull that one out of your ass?"

Otacon blinked.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.

"Never mind." Snake said hopelessly, shaking his head.

Snake reached into his coat and pulled out his M-9. He held the gun by the barrel and offered the grip to Campbell. Roy appeared to be stunned.

"A promise is a promise." Snake said.

"Thank you so much." Roy said. His eyes were beginning to water. "This is the happiest moment of my life."

"Sure, whatever you say." Snake stated passively. "Be careful with it, though. Guns like that aren't easy to come by when you're a civilian. Let's not even mention the silencer. Technically I'm not supposed to own half the weapons I do, but to hell with that!"

"Do you still have the Stinger launcher?" Meryl asked.

"Yeah." Snake responded in a painfully casual tone. "I never use it. I do like to take it out and admire it on occasion, though."

"Maybe you'll have to show me it sometime."

"I suppose I could. We could probably get away with firing a rocket off. Not tonight, though. It takes too damn long to get out to my house."

There was a slight pause in the conversation. Meryl narrowed her eyes and gathered her courage.

"Then let me give you my number." Meryl said, making sure not to insist.

"Alright. I don't know why I didn't add you earlier." Snake said.

"It's because she got a new cell phone." Otacon said. "I didn't have it."

They exchanged numbers while Campbell turned on the safety of the gun which ruined Snake's fantasy involving Roy accidentally shooting himself in the ass when he tucked the gun into his back pocket. He removed the silencer and put both of the items in his coat pocket which foiled Snake's original prediction of where he was going to put the gun.

"It's only ten in the evening, guys." Otacon reminded them. "I don't know about you but despite how crazy things have gotten over the past ninety minutes I still feel like doing something."

"I guess in our line of work we've become desensitized towards stuff like that." Roy suggested.

"What a shame." Snake finished. "For now let's just drive around, Otacon. We'll figure out something along the way."

"We need to do something now to get a better idea of what we really want to do later. Something stupid and totally reckless." Meryl pointed out.

"Good point. Otacon, head out to the nearest farm. We're going to tip some cows."


End file.
